A Hero of Socialist Boozing

Another iconic figure from our Ruskin days is a certain Development Studies student from Newport, South Wales: the inimitable Denis. He was an MSF member, but was at Ruskin on a scholarship from the Club & Institutes Union, which was very fitting: even by the standards of the traditionally hard-drinking Ruskineer, Denis's alcohol consumption was the stuff of legend. Gin, beer, whisky, Brasso, Paint Thinners, you name it; he'd down it. And that was just to line his stomach before going out for "a few shandies".

There was no "side" to Denis; what you saw was what you got & he was a proud & straight-talking comrade. When he said "I's shit in bed", he wasn't referring to any lack of sexual energy on his part, but to the state of his duvet. Fellow students will recall the time when, to use a medical phrase, he "followed through" whilst staggering across the Headington campus after chucking-out time. Groaning, he entered Bowen block to re-emerge two minutes later with his nether garments draped over his shoulder and scuttled into the laundry room. There was much speculation over which washing machine had received the soiled garments. Some comrades opted to avoid the machine nearest the door, others decided simply to do their laundry elsewhere.


Whilst living in a condition of near-permanent intoxication, this amazing character had the most methodical & thorough approach to study that you could imagine: up at six thirty a.m., showered and straight onto the books. Everything referenced, cross-referenced & analyzed in green, black, red & blue ink. By lunchtime, the work would be done and Denis would head into town to commence the daily task of punishing his liver.


His inebriated but disciplined approach brought him A-plus grades pretty much every time. We can only wonder at the level of intellectual achievement he would have attained had he ever sobered up.


I wonder what happened to him? He intended to work for the World Bank or the United Nations. I often imagine him waking up in a bush behind UN headquarters with a banging hangover and groaning when he realises that he's a) pissed up the food aid budget for Burundi, and b) lost the sub-Saharan rural development fund on the gee-gees.


Many are the stories we could recount. Good-natured & generous to a fault, Denis was one of the all-time great people who made the "Ruskin Experience" what it was. I'd love to meet this larger-than-life character again. Where is he? Does anyone know? I asked Mike Oliver to check the skips behind Aldi's in Newport, but this line of enquiry drew a blank.


Here, then, is my personal pledge: a bottle of the finest Welsh Whisky - Penderyn; bloody good stuff - to the first person who can track him down. In fact, make that two bottles.



The Gog