Tarquin meets The Management

As mentioned before, Brenda the O.U. Manager always looked on Ruskin students in a maternal manner. She also ran a tight ship, as the following little story demonstrates.

One Sunday evening, a few of us Ruskin students were gathered in the bar, chatting away over a few shandies. To the left of Ian Russell was one of the young toffs: a particularly loud one, who was braying away to his cronies – as they do. This made it difficult for us to converse and, anyway, there is something particularly irritating about that “Okay-ya” accent: particularly when its source is only about five feet away from your lugs. Ian Russell turned to the young gentleman & asked him if he would kindly consider reducing the volume of his monologue. Ian being a well-spoken & refined individual, this came out as “Shut the fuck up, you fucking knobhead”.

The toff turned to Ian & began remonstrating with him. Ian’s response was to shout over to Brenda “Bren – can you ask this bloke to leave us alone, please? We’re just trying to have a quiet pint & he keeps picking on us”. Brenda turned her hardest gaze on the Henry, admonishing him thus: “Mind your behaviour, please”. “Thanks, Bren!”, said Mr Russell.

One minute later, he glanced sideways at the toff and declaimed, out of the corner of his mouth, “Know what, mate – you’re a total prick”. The lad rose to the bait splendidly and Ian was able to call to Brenda, “Bren, he’s at it again!”. “Last warning!”, said Brenda, her patience running out by now. The lad began to protest. “Not another word!” said Brenda, her forefinger raised, “Any more out of you and I’ll have you removed from the premises”.

Ian’s next conversational gambit to the – by now purple & apoplectic - young gentleman then followed: “Ha ha! Wanker! Dickhead!”. The Henry had had enough and stood up with a face like a beetroot & began ranting. Cue Ian: “Brenda! He’s determined to have a scrap with me. I’m going – can you stop him following me outside so I can get away”. “No, you’re not going”, said Brenda, “He is.” At the sweep of her hand, two bouncers appeared & escorted the protesting young blood towards the exit, followed by his girlfriend & with Brenda’s parting shot ringing in his ears: “And you’re banned for a month!”.

And so, the troublemaker having being ejected, peace returned to the bar.

We can only hope that, on his eventual readmission, he had the good grace and moral fortitude to apologise for the trouble which his behaviour had caused.